Kaymer Clean’s Letter of Last Resort

To be opened by nuclear submarine commanders if the UK has been destroyed.

17 May 2017

Well, shit. So things didn't go *quite* according to plan, and now all the brave British citizens are dead. All except YOU. I mean, I don't personally have a massive stake in what happens going forward (obviously) but if you want my advice... maybe let's not kill anyone else. Particularly since there's hardly anyone left to kill. Maybe you could try a new tactic of being "nice" and "friendly", see if that works? If all else fails, head for Gibraltar. The monkeys will protect you, and perhaps, given time, you could start a new hybrid species by taking one to wife... Best of British to you, Sir.

Rt Hon Kaymer Clean
Kaymer Clean
Prime Minister

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